Changing

from Laura

A just-for-fun sunset picture from our trip to Corregidor

In the first four months after moving here to Manila, I lost a little over 10 pounds. Since then, my weight has stopped changing—my current weight seems to be the new normal. I’ll admit that this was a happy discovery. (In all honesty, I think there are very few American women who wouldn’t be interested in losing a few pounds. Which is sad, but that’s a topic for another day.) However, when I look in the mirror, I remember another side to this coin.

I didn’t do anything to make this weight loss happen, except for moving. The only causes I can come up with are a different diet and a slightly different set of habits with a bit more walking because we don’t have a car. And my body reflects this. I may have lost weight, but the irritating things about my shape have remained exactly the same as they were. The fat is still in some unhealthy places, and I am no stronger than I used to be. If I want to be truly healthier and stronger, physically, then I would need to add regular exercise to my life. My actual habits would need to change. They haven’t, so I know that if or when God brings us back to the US, or gives us a car, those 10 pounds are likely to come right back. Because this is not real change.

Right now, I’m not too concerned about my physical health or about exercising more. It isn’t a high enough priority for me to give it extra time in this extremely busy season of life. But as I thought about the reality of this superficial change in my body, I realized a larger lesson that I had better be learning.

With my Outdoor Ed squad of 7th-graders

My life has changed drastically in the last six months. In fact, very few outer, obvious things are the same as they were one year ago! And the tricky part is that some of those changes look like spiritual weight loss. I’m a missionary now. I pray with my 1^st-period class every day. I’m finding ways to talk about God during class, and I’m mentoring a high school worship team. I pray with my colleagues and talk often with them about what God is doing. Pretty cool, right? Well, maybe.  

It would be all too easy to rest on those laurels and to think that those outward changes mean that I am growing spiritually—becoming healthier and stronger. But if I do that, then I am deceived, because those are superficial changes caused mostly by the new circumstance of teaching in a Christian school. The real question is—what happens if/when God brings us back to the US or changes the nature of my life here? Will there still be evidence that I am stronger and healthier, or will the ‘spiritual weight’ come right back?

If I look at my spiritual life more closely, I do see where God is at work on me. He and I are working on my prayer habits and on my temper, especially when I’m under stress. (You can imagine that we currently have ample opportunity to practice these skills…) He is using many of the superficial changes to teach me more lasting lessons, and I think that the weight will stay off. My prayer is that I will keep on pursuing Him. I never want to be tricked or tempted into thinking that superficial change is a substitute for real growth, even when that’s the easy perspective and the deep changes are hard. Because as much as I can get frustrated about my physical appearance, it is spiritual unhealthiness that’s frightening, and that is the kind of exercise that I cannot do without.