Making changes as I go

It’s April! We are in the 9th month of living in the Philippines, instead of in the U.S. It’s 4th quarter, a perennially crazy time of the school year. It is also Lent, with just a couple of weeks left before Easter. For me, Lent is often a time of self-evaluation. I generally have one habit that I’m focusing on forming or breaking, but I also tend to discover other places in my life that are ripe for change. Changing cultures and teaching in a new school, as we have been doing, are also experiences that force you to learn and to notice areas where you need to grow. So we are in a season of self-awareness and (hopefully) of growth.

Random bonus picture 1- A butiki in our sink

There is, however, a tricky temptation going on for me. This is a temptation that crops up for me almost any time I face the challenge to change, but it is especially alluring in times like these—at the end of the school year, 9 months into a year of transition, at the end of Lent. And the temptation goes like this:

When I see a change that I need to make in my life or teaching, I have this tendency to think that it will be… too difficult, or too confusing, or too embarrassing, or… to make the change this year. Maybe next year, when I set up a new classroom, when I’m living in a different house, when I’ve had a summer’s break, then I will pick up and implement this change. If I try to do this now, I’ll have to explain myself (and how I’ve been wrong), and that’s so awkward. If I don’t explain, I’m sure that the people around me will be thinking about how wrong I’ve been, and judging me for which of my many problems I’m fixing (and which I’m not). Or they’ll be thinking how silly I look, trying so clumsily to make a change I’m not good at yet. Or I’ll think that if I try to do this now, it won’t work. The students won’t respond right—I’ve been training them differently all year, after all. Or I’m in the middle of other habits, and I don’t know how to begin doing this new one. I’ll sit and think about it more first. I’ll change later, at a ‘fresh-start’ kind of moment, when change is easier.

Random bonus picture 2- Sunset from the reef site at Outdoor Ed.

Yeah, right. Laying these thoughts out in words makes it SO obvious that they are lies. Ridiculous lies, at that. And I know better! But it’s still easy for me to be caught by these thoughts and lulled into inaction. Which, of course, is what part of me wants, since making a change does mean admitting I’ve been wrong and re-forming habits. Which isn’t easy. It’s so much more comfortable to be lured into procrastination. So much more comfortable, and so dangerous… 

Lord, help me to change when you show me a better way, right away, not later. Teach me to try a new path without fear because it will bring me closer to You, the source of my identity and security. Help me to start… with what I know I need to do today.

Random bonus picture 3- Chuck Howard, missions pastor from Parkview Comm.Church, visiting the 3 PCC-supported families serving in Manila-- the Ruchs, the Hendersons, and us!